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Because whinging is like alcohol. It feels good for you but other people have to suffer your insanity.

Anyway. Iapos;m super super tired. Because I slept at 2.30 yesterday morning, for really no good reason. Okay, I was Skyping with a friend from England....but seriously. I should have prioritized. So I slept for about an hour at the nurseapos;s office and now she says I canapos;t go to volleyball practice. I donapos;t wanna go but I have a game tomorrow, and that is shit. And plus I have to have to go to MUN beforehand because I wrote the fucking resolution and fuck that shit. Ahem. Yes. I am a dignified being.

Right now, I have 0 direction in life. Seriously. I just do homework because itapos;s assigned, not for any other purpose than not getting in trouble. Because I canapos;t even figure out what I want to do with what Iapos;m learning, you know? It used to be set for me that I really wanted to do medicine, but now...not so sure. Itapos;s a lot of work, and if Iapos;m shying away from it just because of that, I obviously am not cut out for it. And to a certain degree, Iapos;m not -- I suck at math, haha.

And then thereapos;s journalism. Which is awesome but difficult to really excel at, and I think that bringing the truth to the people is such an important task that I donapos;t know if I could really live up to it.

And then, thereapos;s politics. Many people have told me that I should do politics, because Iapos;m pretty passionate about it, but thatapos;s what Iapos;m afraid of. That Iapos;m going to have to give up my values because of the way the American governmental system is cut out. Lobbies, and extreme left and right polarization, etc. Personally, I donapos;t understand why bipartisan action is so lauded. Thatapos;s a huge part of politics -- negotiating with your enemies.

And then, thereapos;s teaching. Again, I think itapos;s a huge responsibility and I really donapos;t want to fuck it up. Iapos;d either be a biology or history teacher, because those are two subjects Iapos;m pretty good at and theyapos;re more interesting than English.

And then thereapos;s acting. But I donapos;t know how in hell Iapos;d ever make it.

And then thereapos;s writing. But go see the thing about acting.

And THEN (last one, I pwomise) thereapos;s political...satire. People have told me oh, youapos;re so funny. Or like. Whatever. I really do like making people laugh (I am quite the attention whore), but to make it into a profession is to admit that you think youapos;re funny, and really putting yourself out there to be...fodder. While Iapos;m not primarily afraid of what other people say, I donapos;t think Iapos;m really good enough, consistently funny enough to spearhead the politicians. I mean, sure, Iapos;m pissed off about it. But does it really, like...? I donapos;t know.

So yes. I am a confuzzled little child with Indecision problems. Iapos;m flip-flopping, but I canapos;t flip-flop much longer. Ze cooooold and bitter vinterrr is caaaaamingg, and fleeeep-flops arrr forrr warmmmm pleeeeeesessss.

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For what seems like the millionth time this year (in reality only the THIRD, but whatever), I have finally gotten back into the country after an extended business trip to the middle east.� It was, as usual, a lot of fun.� Tiring.� Exciting.� And I am WRUNG OUT.�

That being said, I would love it if people could let me know if there were any super important posts or stories that I missed.� It is impossible to go back through 5 weeks worth of posts unless I intend to drive myself crazy.�

Thanks� Glad to be back
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So, the Joe thing ended with him being like "I guess weapos;ll make things official." Unconvincing, but Iapos;ve chosen to try to think about it as little as possible, which means instead of obsessing 24/7, I take Tuesdays off. I donapos;t know if he really cares, I donapos;t know if he really wants things to work. He keeps talking about the future and I say "We stop fucking as of March, remember? Weapos;re temporarily together, remember? You donapos;t want to sacrifice, remember? Youapos;re afraid of your fucking heart, remember?" Itapos;s always, weapos;ll move to Corvallis and go to OSU, heapos;ll get his business degree, Iapos;ll do whatever. Weapos;ll get bikes and be eco-friendly. Two-point-five kids and barbecues on Fridays. Erlack. No, I will not dream, I will not plan, and I will not be disappointed. I donapos;t plan on anything past March, thatapos;s the end all.

Other than his hot and cold attitude when it comes to me, Joeapos;s pretty close to what I want. Responsible, dependable (god, I love that most about him. Itapos;s great being able to depend on him), good with money, funny, secure in himself, great in bed, heapos;s the whole nine yards, minus the things I liked about the boys before him. Just canapos;t win, can you?

In other news, I canapos;t fucking wait to get off the coast. Iapos;m really tired of this hum-drum bullshit and Iapos;m really disliking my job. Just gotta make it another five months or so, then Iapos;m out and Iapos;m done.
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Lion Rose you mentioned you got queasy at the site of gore....Bring a Barf Bucket cause this movie is GORY.

Really the Best thing I can say "Yes it has Romance...But itapos;s not a Happy Ending" a Guy will like it for the Mind Numbing Splatter at the end the girls will like it for the Romantic Bits.

Fair warning though if you managed to keep your eyes dry throughout the movie (Like Me) youapos;ll not be able to NOT cry at the end. (at least you shouldnapos;t be able to if youapos;re a rational Human Being)

The Best Way I can Describe Pachendale is "Realistic" itapos;s not a Romantic Battle that youapos;re certain to come home from. Youapos;re in Giant Freakin Muddy WADING POOLS with Mortor shells blasting around your ears and your buddyapos;s corpse already collecting Scavenging Vermin while waiting for the enemy to charge and Kill you.


Long and the Short of it our Ancestors went through CRAP in BOTH wars. Both on and off the battlefield. You feel a lot more appricative of that once you see this movie.

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Hi all. I got a rather cute fat tiger today. Sorry no pics, as canapos;t take them, but just imagine a half grown cub with a fat body and paws, he is sitting down, and his head is down as if heapos;s looking at the toes on his forepaws and thinking, "what on earth are those fat things on the ends of my legs? heapos;s so cute hehehe. I called him tommy after one of the characters in my journal.
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I have been really quite terrible about food lately, and I am feeling like crud. The whole month of September and this far into October I have been incredibly lax about what I allow into my body. I think I looked back at August, when I was taking four exercise classes, saw that my clothes fit the same, and I got fed up. I ate a lot of fatty foods that are comfort foods for me, and I have indulged in alcohol more frequently than normal (not to a level of excess or abuse, just a drink here, a drink there when I normally donapos;t). My goal was to be down to a size 16 by the time my sister got married. She is getting married next Saturday, and my size 18 jeans are feeling tighter, not looser. I feel disgusting. I am further upset because although I had paid for another bellydance class, I had to drop out of it due to scheduling issues with work and Real Life, so I havenapos;t been exercising either to make up for my crappy eating habits.

Itapos;s time for a re-evaluation.

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I feel as if there are a few people in my life who could stand to learn the harsh lesson of differentiating between emotionally investing themselves in someone elseapos;s happiness and learned when it is and isnapos;t appropriate to be a part of someoneapos;s life.

It makes me angry that people think itapos;s perfectly alright to involve themselves with my affairs and then dislike the results.��

If you put your fucking nose in my business, expect to get the full TPS�report.

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